Two Connect, First Through Connect-4

Alexis and I were matched as Buddies in October 2012.  At the time he was 12, he was shy, and his English was very limited, having just immigrated from the Dominican Republic a couple years earlier.

A few things struck me during the matching experience.  I was first struck by Alexis’s trusting nature – when I asked him what part of the city he lived in, he immediately responded with his exact address and apartment number.  I found this honesty and vulnerability to be endearing.  As part of the matching, we chose a board game to play together (we chose Connect-4).  Given my role as mentor, I chose to hold back and let Alexis win the game.  It took a few games for me to realize that he was doing the same, that he was going out of his way to let me win.  Thus I was struck by Alexis’s empathy, which was precocious for his age.

A turning point in my perception of Alexis occurred four months into our relationship.  Up to that point, our outings had consisted mostly of movies and typical NYC tourist outings, such as Central Park, ice skating, and museum trips.  Alexis had experienced most of these things already, either on school field trips or on group outings with The Family Center.  As a result, despite the fact that he lives in a housing project, I was starting to see him as having a typical upbringing not completely unlike my own.

This perception was shattered during one of our outings.  I decided to take Alexis out to dinner at a casual family style Italian restaurant.  After we received our menus, Alexis, who was visibly uncomfortable, told me he had no idea what to do with the menu.  It suddenly occurred to me that he had never been to a sit down restaurant before, a theory that I quickly confirmed with him.  Thus the entire dinner turned into a learning experience, as I walked Alexis through how to use a menu, introduced him to fried calamari (which he loved), and instructed him on how to use a knife and fork to eat a steak.

It took me another few months to truly gain an appreciation for the impact I was having on Alexis’s life.  I was with Alexis at the time, and I came across some excerpts from an interview with his mother about the Buddy program – she stated that since being matched, Alexis was noticeably happier and more confident, his relationships with his siblings had improved, and his grades had gone up.  I teared up and had to fight the urge to cry in front of him.

Since then, I’ve become more mindful of the things I say and the way I talk to Alexis, as I’m suddenly discovering that many of the phrases I say to him are being repeated back to me (this is often the cutest thing in the world, and very flattering), and probably to others as well.  I’m also becoming more conscious about the experiences and conversations that we share together, with a focus on tailoring them in a way that is educational and valuable to his life.  It’s become one of my goals to cultivate the qualities I witnessed in Alexis when we were first matched – honesty and vulnerability (cultivated correctly, these traits can bloom into integrity and confidence), and empathy.  He is a good kid with potential, and it is my hope to nurture that potential while preserving his goodness.

– Albert Meng, Buddy

If you are interested in being an inspiration in a young person’s life, consider joining the Buddy Program.

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