Don’t Blink

When I came to The Family Center eight years ago, I don’t think I fully understood what the job was or what it would ultimately be. I had come from Legal Services NYC and I knew I was continuing my career at a different kind of agency. I did not fully understand how unique the model of TFC’s services was. I knew I would be managing others in this work. I didn’t know how challenging that would be or how rewarding. I knew that I was going to learn a great deal and that I might be here awhile. I had no idea how many lessons there were to be absorbed and that some of them would take years to learn. The Family Center has been and continues to be an extraordinary experience. It is a never-ending emotional, intellectual, professional and deeply personal challenge that has altered much in how I view not just the law, but everything. Working with individuals and families in crisis, living with illness and at the economic margins, will alter any pre-conceived notions regarding this work, poverty law, illness and what it is to be of-service to others. This work, properly done, will make you see everything differently. The Family Center has been so much more than a job.

Notably, eight years ago, just as I was beginning my work here, I was moving in with the woman who was going to be my wife. Six years ago, we married. Four years ago, we bought our first home. Three years ago, we had a son. In a few weeks, we’ll have another. Being a father is not what I expected it to be. People give you a lot of advice before you have your first child. They tell you how hard it is going to be; how little sleep you’ll have; how much work it is; how little disposable income or time you will have and a million other worrisome prophesies. Amid all of that, I only ever heard one thought worth really considering. Every father I asked for advice, including my own, told me “don’t blink.” Childhood goes by in an instant.

Recently, my son, Gideon, quietly articulated the pillars of my philosophy on fatherhood. I should mention again that he’s three years old. It was on a bright, warm, Saturday morning. Jen, my wife, was getting Gideon ready to go out and dressing him. He was on the floor, lying on his back and talking with her about his new favorite topic – my wife’s pregnancy and the imminent arrival of his soon-to-be little brother. For no particular reason I stood at the doorway to his room for a moment to watch a process my wife and I have done countless times. The following exchange took place.

Gideon: Little brother is in your tummy?
Jen: Yes.
Gideon: You’re making little brother, now?
Jen: Yes.
(Pause)
Gideon: I was in your tummy? You made me?
Jen: Yes.
(Pause)
Gideon: Thank you!!
Jen: You’re welcome.

From the mouths of babes, right? In an exchange that took seconds – I think he articulated my new religion. Be thoughtful. Question. Be grateful. Throw in a bottomless well of love you never knew you had and I suppose that’s a good start on what it is to be a father. Being a parent is so much more than I ever thought it would be. I’m sure I have many, many lessons ahead of me. I’m looking forward to each and everyone of them. I’m glad I didn’t miss this particular moment.

I’m glad I didn’t blink.

Happy Father’s Day.

Adam Halper,
   Director of Legal Services

---