TFC Experts on Domestic Violence

Family Net/ Family Connections Child Welfare Experts

The US Department of Justice reports there are an estimated 960,000 domestic violence incidents per year, with approximately 6 million+ children witnessing this familial trauma.

TFC’s FamilyNet/ Family Connections program works with a number of families impacted by domestic violence.  For Abused Women & Children Awareness Day, our expert team of counselors combined their years of knowledge to point out the warning signs and advise on ways to empower those affected by abuse.

What are some of the the warning signs for someone who may be suffering from abuse?
Aside from the bruises and marks, isolation is a significant indicator. Those suffering from abuse usually have no contact with their family or friends.  They tend to be distrustful of others and seek the approval of their abuser.  One of the biggest warning signs in children is fear of, or aversion to, interacting with others.  Spouses, or significant others, who constantly check in with their partners, or know nothing about household finances, can also be exhibiting signs of being in an abusive relationship.

How can someone intervene if they suspect a friend or neighbor is being abused?
Just be upfront and ask.  People will usually tell you the truth.  From there, you can ask specific questions.  Another good way is to ask the person about their feelings; it can help better identify what may be going on in the relationship.  Sometimes those suffering abuse simply need to say it out loud to realize they are being abused.

What steps would you give someone who is trying to leave an abuser?
First, someone suffering from abuse needs a legal order of protection.  This serves as documentation that abuse is happening.  If someone leaving an abusive situation files for divorce, or there is a custody proceeding, the courts need this documentation.  Also, there needs to be a safety plan with schools attended by the children involved, so the abuser will not be able to remove the children without permission.  Family Net/ Family Connections experts also encourage clients in domestic violence situations to reach out to family or friends, because those recovering from abuse need a support system.  Domestic violence shelters and their counselors can also be a significant resource for a family’s recovery from domestic violence and its trauma.

Eighty-five percent of women who leave an abusive relationship return, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.  Why do you think victims return to their abusers so often?
Being in these relationships is almost behaviorally addictive.  It sometimes feels normal to women, so they keep going back.  Most victims also find it very difficult to be on their own.  They realize that it’s hard to provide food for the family, or the money is not there like it may have been previously.  It’s basically starting all over again and that can be very hard and also traumatic for a recovering family.

What have you noticed in victims after they have left their abusers?
Once those suffering from abuse explore and address their self-esteem issues, and build up a support system, they thrive.  They usually want to do better for themselves and for their children.  The kids will get involved with more organized activities and the parents try to become more socially active.  Unfortunately, those fleeing domestic violence situations tend to pick the same kind of person in their next relationship.  Another stumbling block is that children sometimes act out or reflect behaviors that they witnessed.  For these reasons, we strongly recommend individual and family counseling so domestic abuse survivors can learn what is a healthy relationship, and parents and children can learn to deal with the emotional trauma.

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